The Laws of Attraction: Part I

The pursuit of happily ever after can leave many of my singles vexed with frustrations from a range of dating dilemmas that are actually quite predictable.  Dating is hard, there is no doubt about it, especially when you find yourself single after your life plan has fallen apart years or decades after you were last in the dating scene.  It’s particularly heart wrenching to have landed on the flip side of a relationship that has damaged your spirit and left your deserve level in the gutter. We absolutely have to understand what we bring to the table and how that equates to who is in our league so we can understand how to navigate single life and gives us confidence to choose the best partner  the next chapter in our lives.

We’ve already laid down the rule of Dating and have those skills in our dating tool box. Once we know THE LAWS OF ATTRACTION and how to recognize our league, we can take a realistic look on rebuilding those confounded checklists and date our way into a happy relationship. We all have expectations of who should like us. This is actually second in order in the world of dating. Our League actually picks us. We do not pick our League. I know! I know! That is a hard one to digest and I see lots of singles spend lots of time and money trying to prove to me and to themselves they are the exception to the Laws of Attraction. 

Singles from every walk in life, every shape, credence and temperament know they are free to speak their mind with me and they do. As a result I hear what people in the dating world are thinking, the good, bad and the ugly.  I am going to unceremoniously lay the facts before you today.  Let me pause and say Don’t Shoot the messenger.  I have seen singles throw world class hissy fits over this subject.  These laws can no more be changed than the laws of physics. I’m not sure if Sir Isaac Newton was aware that he was a forefather to dating coaches like me when he laid out the most laws of physics. If you will keep this dude’s third law of motion in mind that 'every action has an equal and opposite reaction,'  you will be able to understand some of the fluidity in the Laws of Attraction and apply them to the thrill of the chase and the art of being chased.

The Base Line Facts of THE LAWS OF ATTRACTION

·      AGE      

5 years above and 5 years below your current age

·      

        HEIGHT  

Women 5’9’’ and above are not always preferred by men

Men 5’8’’ and below are often not preferred by women

·        

     BODY TYPE (weight) 

People tend to select dates within 10 to 15 pounds of their own body type

·      

        FAITH

How we believe we arrived on earth and what happens when we exit is one of the least likely variables to change across a lifetime. 

Singles tend to want to be accepted for what they believe and not expected to change what they believe for a relationship.

·      

        APPEARANCE

Men and women both choose partners who are well groomed and clean shaven.

Women tend to select men who dress professionally

Men overwhelmingly select women from photos who are wearing dresses and heels who are showing an hour glass figure.

·     

        LIFESTYLE

How you spend your free time and what you value

Education will often determine which lifestyles are available to you.

Your family and how you were raised plays a big part in what you value

·      

        EDUCATION

A 4 year college degree is the minimum standard for most of my singles.

Those who invested the time and energy to get a four year degree value the discipline and improved lifestyle options that a college degree provides

·      

        JOB

This is largely determined by intelligence, degree and discipline.

Women like men with social equity and therefore interesting jobs.

Women equate job skills to the same degree that men equate being over weight

·      

        TEMPERAMENT

Nobody wants to deal with your attitude problem.

Being snotty just isn’t sexy to anyone no matter how hot or how educated and successful you are. This is true for men and women alike. 

·        

     ETHNICITY

Some people will date outside or their race and some will not.

·      

        CHILDREN

3 or more children is intimidating

Men less than 45 who don’t want more children will be passed up

Men and women over 45 with preschool kids will be passed up

Women over 40 who are hell bent on having children often scare men

Women over 30 who don’t want to date men with children will narrow their options

Those who don’t have kids and have never been married, prefer the same

Being divorced with small children before about 30 is intimidating

·         

     SMOKING

Most people don’t want the thought of watching someone they love die and smoking can be very disruptive to the lifestyle of a healthy person

This is a true deal breaker

Age, Body Type and Education are the foremost limiting factors in who is available to us.  We can’t change our age and who should want to? Each year that we stay on this rock, we are molded into a wiser person. People who can’t look in the mirror and see the difference between feeling 25 and looking 25 are truly delusional. The other factors can change. If you’re overweight you can lose weight. If you don’t have a degree, you can go to college. You can always choose the option to enjoy yourself as you are and choose people who value you as well. If you are frustrated and can’t get a date or can’t keep a date, I highly recommend that you find a friend or a Beaker who will risk your hissy fit and tell you the truth. It's much less irritating to face reality and find someone to love you than spend years chasing a fairy tale and remain single. There is a part two coming to this blog. Today we laid down the facts, next we are going to hash out some cold hard facts about what people actually say regarding the LAWS OF ATTRACTION and I will share some insight on what it’s like to work with those who refuse to get a grip….or a mirror.

 I know I have some comments coming my way today and I am anxiously awaiting your feedback. The comments are anonymous. I will never call out one of my singles. I acknowledge and cherish the fact that we are all on this journey together and I simply have a unique bird’s eye view into the single life. Everyone’s opinion deserves to be heard. Press the comment button below and let me know what your experience has been in navigating single life. What do you think about the Laws of Attraction? Do they work for you? Do you get around them somehow...Do tell! 

THE FLAVORS OF OUR DATE

Each personality style comes with its own natural graces, as well as, its own particular set of land mines to navigate in the scenario of the first phase of dating. One of the most beautiful things about relationships is as we grow into a couple, we create a new being that is the relationship itself. It’s truly amazing to watch it unfold as a matchmaker. Everybody tends to have 2 dominant flavors within their personality. Of course, our mood will swing through all of the four flavors but we dominate in one flavor closely followed by a second. For the sake of understanding one another and for understanding how to use these tools while getting to know the cute person sitting across from us on a date, can we pick our most dominant two?  

I’m thinking it’s a good idea to start with the boldest of the personalities…THE CHIEF. Simply stated the chief is likely to have a managerial position at work. They tend to almost inherently know what they want in life and likely have a plan to attain their goal. Their biggest fear is being taken advantage of and played for a fool. This is often the culprit of blowing up budding relationship. THE CHIEF tends to be more guarded in order to prevent being fooled and there is a false security in thinking that you can weed out the dangers of being hurt by having a screening process. This personality flavor can quickly ditch whatever doesn’t inherently come easy over digging in and having that internal “Come to Jesus” that other personality flavors do with greater ease. THE CHIEF is likely to try to prevent “wasting time” by following the fairly rigid rules that are usually invisible to their dates. The fall out is a risk of committing too quickly to new relationships and committing too quickly to a relationship before it has a chance to reveal all of its complexities.

The cut to the chase approach to dating can easily turn a relaxing date into a seeming interrogation that is hard for our date to digest. I hear this weekly from clients… Visualize a person standing up in the first 10 minutes of meeting you and dumping their purse or murse (man bag) in your lap. Oh, come on! Go with it for a second. Let me count the ways that this strategy has failed me personally as a newbie divorce’.  There just isn’t any way to skip the steps in developing trust and understanding. If you are a chronic two dater, think long and hard about how you are revealing your traits and exploring those of your date. Chances are, after the wind returns to your sails, you will find some credence to the shortfalls in this scenario. 

There is a grace and steady dignity in scrapping this method entirely and first allowing yourself to be friends, leaving all of your protocols, checklists and standards at home. Natural and easy conversation will bring out the attributes that you desire in a partner and following the rules of past Squeaks stands to yield much different results. This makes our date feel as if we have a series of invisible hoops that they must jump through in order to earn your affection. Who needs that stress in a sea of options? This is very much the opposite of what THE CHIEF desires or deserves in a partner. Full disclosure IS the dating process and absolutely must unfold over the first phase of dating in order to draw dates to us, allowing them to see the depth and strength that THE CHIEF brings to a partnership.

On to THE ENTERTAINER… Like the THE CHIEF, they have some natural charisma that they can ride through awkward social situations. People tend to be very drawn to this flavor. The entertainer is who should teach the classes at The University of Romance. ENTERTAINERS tend to be very emotionally driven and transparent, lending to some natural social grace in the dating arena. Their primary fear tends to be having their emotions manipulated and taken for granted. This flavor doesn’t tend to lead with a purse dump to protect their spirit and avoid pain but may do it simply by being caught up in the moment. They tend to fly by the seat of their pants which can seem irresponsible to a date who doesn’t know them. THE ENTERTAINER will be more likely to use cuteness and deflection to avoid uncomfortable scenarios and can sometimes be misunderstood as manipulative. THE ENTERTAINER is not deceptive, quite the opposite, what you see is what you get. They tend to stay in bad relationships way too long and are at risk of being somewhat of a door mat by virtue of tolerating way too much crap for way too long. Rather than standing up for themselves when red flags emerge, they can easily give their partner the benefit of the doubt and because they wear their emotions on their sleeve, they extend this courtesy to their partner lending to easy manipulation. They see being single as a neon sign of being rejected because their greatest fear is rejection and being alone. THE ENTERTAINER is complemented by someone who understands the precious genuineness of their charisma and who feels a sense of protection of this trait. Following the rules of dating can serve them because it allows them to see the good alongside of the bad of their partner. Keeping their needs in proper perspective and requiring that they be met with the same degree of effort that they bring to a relationship is very important.

THE ATTENDANT is one of the best friends you could have. They are as steady as the gulf stream and are as dependable as they come. You can rely on this flavor of personality without fail. This flavor lends to being very slow to change and therefore isn’t very aggressive in the dating arena. They tend to wait too long to call and often get lumped in the friend pile as a result of not being as apt to pursue or responsive to being pursued. Slowness to open up and shyness can come across as socially awkward if not just a bit boring when not matched in the dating world with another ATTENDANT. The charm and wit of this flavor is in the more subtle variety and tends to unfold over time. The attendant can also run the risk of being a door mat and needs to study the rules of dating and apply them in the correct order to compete adequately in the dating world. Following the communication cadence of a relationship and employing a fake ‘til you make it strategy while you hone your dating skills can literally be the difference between being chosen as a viable partner or left standing on the playground alone. I see many ATTENDANTS abandon their dating hopes and consume themselves in service in another area of life in order to avoid the discomfort required for successful dating. It is also common to see an ATTENDANT wait on the sidelines to be chosen rather than take charge and employ their dating power. THE ATTENDANTS greatest fear is being inadequate but they are at the very heartbeat, the loyalty that we all crave.. The ATTENDANT is well worth the patience required compared to some of the more assertive flavors of personality because there is no flavor more likely to marry once and stay in love through the chapters of a life time.

THE ANALYZER is another personality near and dear to my heart. It’s the analyzers who help sharpen my sword on this journey of defining the modern expectations of dating and expressing the unspoken rules. This flavor tends to over analyze everything. And I mean everything. The term “let it go” came about to serve these dear souls. I am very familiar with this flavor because I am one. My two dominant flavors are CHIEF AND ANALYZER. Analyzers easily fall prey to the WHAT IF’s. Dating anxiety abounds in this group. You will hear me use the term deserve level over and over throughout BeakerSpeaks. Relationships tend to be a valid mirror of where our deserve level lies and THE ANALYZER with a low deserve level is quite frankly, doomed. Luckily, ANALYZERS are the Einsteins of self-introspection and tend to be very coachable. Dating is not meaningful when you analyze from every conceivable angle, predicting every possible outcome. This flavor can come with the skills of arguing from which even the most fortified wall would run. An Analyzer with a healthy deserve level and one who isn’t using the skills of this flavor to prove everyone around them wrong, is usually a ton of fun to talk with due to a wealth of conversational knowledge that is never exhausted. The wounded ANALYZER has to watch out that they aren’t sabotaging their relationship goals by employing their vast accumulation of knowledge to point out their date’s flaws, a method of deflection with the true intent of avoiding self-introspection. If you have ever experienced the residue of feeling mind-frilled by a date, you have met a wounded ANALYZER. The ANANLYZER’s greatest fear is being wrong and of being perceived as stupid. They need a partner who can provide a sense of validation and who naturally employs positive reinforcement. These should are the only flavor who need to take the rules of dating lightly and they need to leave their purses in the car. A great dating strategy for this flavor is to make no decisions about attraction until after the second date. The loyalty of this flavor rivals that of the attendant. They are also extremely understanding of misgivings once explained. The true hurtle here lies in getting through those first few tricky dates.

 I hate to beckon the memories of being chosen on the playground for teams but what kind of Dating Coach would I be if lied to you? It would be cool if our soul mates actually imprinted on us werewolf style, but they don’t. We have to make the effort of being interesting and drawing in our mate without being too aggressive and scaring them off or too passive and missing that elusive window of intrigue. I know!! It’s easy to throw our hands in the air and go all Eeyore on the situation, kicking the dirt and saying “Oh Bother!,” It’s worth claiming our power and resisting the urge to be a passive bystander in the crucial decision of choosing a partner to walk through this life with us.

Please take a moment today and comment on this blog and give me an idea of where you land on the spectrum of successful dating. Where does the disconnect of your dating life occur? You can post a comment on the bottom of the blog by clicking on the words “comments.”

What are your dominant flavors and how has it played out in your dating life?

THE ART OF NAILING THE SECOND DATE

There’s no pun intended in that title. If you’re mind works like mine, we need to gather our thoughts from the gutter and proceed on hallowed ground. The dating game is little more than playing our cards in the right sequence. We need to place the right card on the table at the right time so that in the process of getting to know someone as a friend, coupled with the emotions of attractions, we are able to convey our innermost thoughts to our date in a manner than can be received as they are intended. We need to avoid the scenario of dumping our bags and purses in our dates lap. Therefore, the Rules of the second date were born. This gives us the chance to play our cards in the proper order that attract the people who intrigue us long enough for them to get to know our hearts and therefore hear us in our true intent.

We all have a tendency to leak out false impressions in the attempt to guard ourselves from past wounds. We also all have a tendency to rehearse scripts on the first few dates which are intended to lay out the path to the kind of relationship we most desire. The functional consequence of this is usually being misinterpreted, misunderstood and dumped! Square on our cute little fannies. I am currently dating a wonderful man who embodies all of the traits that I want and need the most from a partner. He possesses all of my 5 Non-Negotiables, laid out in Squeak 3. Our meeting was quite serendipitous and we had our second date the night after we first met. We were having dinner at a great little Italian place and having the normal conversation of two people who just met. You know our jobs, our families, our kids and what we found funny that day. Did I mention that he is incredibly sexy? It’s worth mentioning.

He asked me what I was looking for in a relationship. Being the Beaker that I am, I offered a very general answer of a partner that I found intriguing and genuine or some BS along those lines because I knew full well I was standing in the big middle of a relationship mine field. I also thought he might be worth getting to know better so I kept my cards close to my vest laying a pretty low number on the table and saving my face cards for later when we each knew each other long enough for the information to be received as it was intended. In good turn, he offered what he was looking for in a relationship. He said he wanted someone whose company he enjoyed and whom he could take to dinner according to his hectic work schedule but that he had been single for years and was perfectly happy to stay that way. Now, I had been through dating for fun and was decidedly ready to date with the purpose of giving my attention only to men who share goals. Why bother allowing my heart to get attached to someone who doesn’t want what I want? I am not willing to follow the fool’s maxim of wanting to change another person’s life goals. I knew at this point that it wasn’t going anywhere past friendship and kept my options open.

Within two weeks I had cut ties to pursue a relationship with my shared goals as a result of that one statement. It wasn’t until later that I found out that he was very disappointed that I chose not see him anymore. Thankfully we reconnected down the road a bit and laugh about that moment in time, but I want you to take from this story that the leaks we display and the confounded checklist that rule us often cut off a great relationship before it ever gets out of the gate. He did not hang his hat on living life as a bachelor, but in fact, has had enough stage four clingers that he likes to throw out a little clinger repellent. In this moment he found that it repells women he wants as well. We all need to protect ourselves but we need to examine our words and make sure we say what we mean or simply keep the conversation on the teens in proms dresses across the room or something equally amusing and trivial.

On the second date, it’s okay to explore those things that can be found on a dot com profile as long as the conversation is flowing like friends and resembles nothing of a job interview. The receiving end of searching questions can feel like a torpedo blast instead of a thought provoking inquiry. You have to have earned your dates trust enough to get a complete, well formulated and true answer. Otherwise, you’ll get some words strung together that have as much depth and truth as a sitcom where life is broken and repaired in 30 minutes and equally as rehearesed. Rather, it’s wise and more fruitful to talk like friends about whatever comes to mind and let the discovery unfold organically. You will walk away with much more accurate information, and hang onto your hats here….You may actually be able to gauge whether or not you are attracted to them. Another novel idea, eh?! It’s true that men are physically driven first and that women are more likely to be first driven by emotional and intellectual drives but each of our camps has lots of wiggle room that gels when we have an understanding of our dates wit and charm.  Another reason why we should burn our checklists like a 1960’s bra!!!!

Ladies be patient enough to allow him to chase you. It’s the power balance in motion. You have to allow him to earn you. Guys, it’s a law as dependable as gravity. If you want to the privilege of seeing her naked, you will find a way or make a way to be in her space. Otherwise, she’s not that important to you or something in the power balance is definitively broken. You must chase in order to be seen in her eyes as a virile man. If she has to chase you, you are now wearing the skirt. On this note, ladies do not ask a man out ever, for any reason. Do not reach out to him by email, text, phone or in person to initiate contact or at the very least don’t be shocked when he trades you in for someone who made him earn her. The same applies for jumping in the sheets on date number two as well.

We all know that we are being measured up for size on a date but who wants to feel like they have to pass the invisible standard? The moment that we lose sex appeal or seem hard to please, we can plan next Saturday on the couch. By playing the cards over the first phase of dating, we allow ourselves the time to get to know our date as trust builds and we feel safe. There is no need for throwing down our demands and ruling with a scepter pronouncing our expectations and the consequences of not meeting our invisible expectations. More singles than I would like to admit do an equivalent on the first few dates and then bizarrely come to me baffled as to why they are still single. We can trust that when we lay down a card and in turn they lay one down as well, we are safe to open our emotions for consideration and the parts of our soul being exposed are in safe hands. We never want our date to unintentionally feel scolded or reprimanded. We never want to feel as if we have laid private information into the hands of someone who will not cherish it and treat it as sacred. Rather women need to feel cherished and chosen. While men need to feel as if they are safe sticking their neck out and taking the lead exposing their hearts on a battlefield.

The Rules of Dating 101

 Many of my singles have taken pause at the thought of dating with the express purpose of focusing first on their own needs. When you are ready to date with the focus of finding a long term monogamous relationship, you will need to find a partner who meets your needs and whose needs you meet in turn. Novel concept, huh?

All too often we choose someone who meets the need to keep us from being alone. We do silly things like over commit: committing either in our minds, with our resources or with our time before we've seen all they have to offer.  After the initial hormone rush settles down, and we need more than someone to fill the empty space and rock our world in the sheets, we are left with those basic relationship needs still not fulfilled. Yikes!!! By knowing the Rules of dating and using them as a framework for measuring the unpredictability of real live relationships, you will be better prepared to recognize when  you are sliding into a slippery pit.

Once a meaningful relationship has ended and you've had the chance to recalibrate and to experience life contently as your single self, then dating with a progression into a relationship is possible and probable. Dating during the recalibration phase and choosing a committed relationship is very tricky business. This is where red flags are dismissed and your needs are set aside. When we over commit, it's super easy to cast away our needs and bend into what we think we need to be to keep that person around. The fact of the matter is that choosing a relationship during this recalibration phase often leads to what I like to call a mulligan. There is a huge difference between relationship material and toy material. Neither are inherently bad or good in and of themselves, they should just be embraced and squarely employed for the desired outcome. This subject is deserving of its own curtain call and will be thoroughly explored in Squeaks to come.

Before we get back to the matter at hand, let's walk down memory lane for a moment, shall we? Once upon a time we all decided what we did and did not want from a soul mate. We created the confounded checklist that we carry around in our head and use to measure the people up for consideration.Can you recall when you formed your checklist? By any chance was it when you had a curfew and homework due on Monday? Now let's pause…How's that working for us? Yeah! Mine needed to be scrapped and rebuilt from the ground up. We'll get there in due time.

Let’s hold two facts true. One, we are operating our current needs with antiquated ideas that do not serve our current reality and two, we need a recalibration phase of dating to find out which part of the fairytale must go and what our current needs are based on a healthy dose of reality. Then and only then, will we be able to avoid the land mines that land us with our tail feathers lit on fire once again. Dating to recalibrate is the matter before us today.

This is a very simple strategy that falls under my Rules of Dating.

RULE #1: I deserve to know what I need and who's available to me.
Nobody who will ever be a candidate for relationship material should jump in the sack in the first 3 dates. That’s not dating, that is something all together different. Dating is taking the time to be in someone's space and finding out if you are intrigued, inspired and attracted to them.

The first date should answer one question. Do I want to know more? If the answer is yes or I don't know, a second date is warranted. Most of us are a nervous wreck on the first date. We are so consumed by minding our Ps and Qs that we really aren't paying all that much attention to the other person. Considering that a major junk of singles today re-enter the dating arena after being out for years or decades, these singles find out that the rules of the game are completely different at 40 than they were at 22 and the singles that they now attract are totally different. This scenario usually requires a complete overhaul but we all have to start somewhere. So you may as well get started. Staying in touch with BeakerSpeaks will give you the tools to update your game and sufficiently recalibrate.

RULE#2: No discussing compatibility points and relationship goals on the first date!!!!
And I mean it. Don't do it. My fellow control freaks...I am talking to you expressly. We are much more likely to be misunderstood and misinterpreted than anything else when breaching these subjects before our newly procured cutie pie has a chance to get to know us so that they can hear our hearts on the matter. Yea, go ahead and roll those eyes back into the forward position. I wasn't so thrilled about the thought of "wasting time" as a new single chick but it's true. Besides, who cares if you both want 2.5 kids if you can't be friends?

As dates four through six unfold, these things will start to blossom. At the first sign that your goals aren't shared, immediately place the person in the friend pile and move on. Just so we're clear, compatibility points are those things you might find on a dot com profile or the bullet points in those confounded checklists we carry around in our heads. I have witnessed singles of all ages spend large chunks of time single and frustrated by virtue of hanging onto those things and jumping the gun on letting relationships unfold.

We are going to dive into The Rules of The First Date and The Phases of Relationships before we tackle The Laws of Attraction. We need to get out there and practice. We need to explore in the field as we build our foundation of tools for landing in our Happily Ever After.

Happy Dating Sassy Singles! We’ll be chatting again very soon! ~amanda

What To Do When The Fairy Tale Falls Apart

Remember that moment when you first pushed that little girl down on the playground to get her attention?...Or perhaps you were the little girl who went flying. It’s in this moment that we discover the thrill of the chase and begin to sharpen our skills for attracting those whose attention we seek.  Shortly followed by maddening frustration when the results we want are not the results that we receive.  Furthermore, we are all too often left in the steaming pile of shattered dreams and abandoned intentions when we watch this carefully honed plan on how to land the perfect mate come crashing down around us.  Be it that we married the wrong person all together, categorically blew it with someone that we loved, or they just never freakin’ showed up. What do we do when the fairy tale falls apart? Beaker Speaks is about the journey through single life and into the relationship that fits like a glove.

I have a very unique job. My name is Amanda and I am a matchmaker. I have introduced hundreds of souls and along the way I have collected their stories right along with the questions that confound us.   By virtue of standing in the right place at the right time, in all of my geekdom and being perplexed and too obnoxious to be quiet, myself and the people I have served have laid the variables of being single adults on the table. We have wrestled with them in a good old fashioned, Texas style come to Jesus ..and by George, we have answers that work!!!! I have a bird’s eye view of the relationship struggles and successes that regular people experience every day and I intend for Beaker Speaks to be a forum, a playground if you please, to claim our dating life as amazing singles who deserve the best of what reality has to offer. 


Here we explore the "Dating Do’s and Dont's." Here we navigate the very complicated moving target that is dating when the fairy tale falls apart. We must first accept our world as it is and develop a resolve to sharpen the tools at our disposal in order to ensure that we don’t settle and that we don’t sink while letting every viable ship sail right past us.

Dating can be an exhilarating self-affirming time or a very scary time in your life. I have learned so much from the beautiful souls who have allowed me to walk beside them in their fear, their excitement, their disappointment and frustration, their nervousness, their heart break… the relief, the gratification and the greatest gift of all…LOVE!!!

I will share my story which gave breathe to my process as a matchmaker and which compelled me to define the science that we use to guide people on the path of meeting singles of the caliber that they seek . I will share the process which sheds light on the dating woes and dating rules that I use to coach singles into long lasting happy relationships in upcoming Beaker Squeaks.

Like so many others, I never thought I would be divorced.  At 33 I found myself a single mom, with a demanding career and an ex-husband who exerts way too much energy in trying to squish me (whose actions more resemble Freddy Krueger than the man I married.) I found myself divorced with two babies, miles away from home, and years past leaving a neuropharmacology graduate program to serve my family.  I was determined - well, hell bent - on recovering from the heartbreak of a husband who left with the words “I don’t love you, and I don't think I ever did.”  I simply refused to allow myself to become a bitter,angry and jaded shell of myself. Needless to say I felt just like many of my singles share today…I felt worthless, ugly, unlovable, damaged and humiliated. So what does a good little muppet-like chick do? Dive into the science. Not so long after that, serendipity stepped in and BeakerSpeaks was born.  I no longer stand in those shoes. Today, I have a peaceful handle on where I’ve been and where I am in the pursuit of Happily Ever After.

Today our mission is to launch the format and to claim power over our single dating lives. To lay out the format where we can ask the questions, analyze the answers and explore the science that we are using to rewrite the rules.  

Most singles express the sentiment that they feel as if they have fallen prey to tired, worn out rules of generations lost. We want to keep those traditions and rules that serve us. Let's attach a healthy dose of C4 to those which do not and blow the antiquated fairy tales that defeat us to smithereens. 

We begin with an OH So important inventory of where we’re at in the journey of single life. We cannot realize what we don’t understand and we can’t avoid the land minds if we don’t have a map of where they’re buried…

So where have you been? What has landed you here with us today? Perhaps you’ve never been married, maybe you’ve married lots of people. Wherever you are on the spectrum of love’s experience, you are accepted here. Give it some thought will you? Leave me a COMMENT on how you ended up surprisingly single and come back to see us next week. We are going to dive right into The Rules of Dating for starters.

Until next time…happy flirting fabulous singles!